The Seed Blog: Maybe You Should Listen to Momma!

There is a very prevalent problem in our culture today that truly seems to be just as bad, if not worse in some ways, within the church. A problem right here in this church on a very regular basis, and it desperately needs to change.

This week I read a number of secular articles, on social and psychology websites, that all repeat the same trend in this country: depression is significantly on the increase in our society, Impacting young and old, and affecting a significant percentage of the population, especially increasing in youth, 12 and older. How many people in this room know someone who is depressed? Maybe even suicidal? Who has a terrible self-esteem, no self-worth? Who has a bad home life, or no home life at all? Who never seems to have a truly happy moment? Now let me ask you this: How many people around you, do you think may have these problems and they hide it beautifully, just to fit in? Now, because I love you, let me ask you this: If you know this, if you will admit to this, why have many of you joined in the seemingly growing trend of people who, with their attitude and words seem to do nothing but hurt, belittle, disrespect, devalue, cut-down, and embarrass those around them in an almost habitual way of life?? There are a number of people right here in this room, and I am sure in our listening audience who are so focused on self, without realizing it, that you rarely speak without sarcasm, or without pointing out another's faults, or without condescendingly trying to prove your superior wit and intelligence. And, I want to plead with you in saying, what part of this worldly nature can possibly express the selfless love and care we are supposed to have for our brothers and sisters, as we walk in the Fruit of the Spirit? And yet I see it in conversations and actions throughout this church, even in the simplest and casual of times, attitudes and words of constant ridicule or displeasure.
Repeat this with me, "Mamma always said, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!” If this is you, do you have any clue, as to how much the world's attitude has affected you? As to how you are being used by Satan joyfully, to slowly tear people down spiritually and emotionally? And you are cultivating a heart within, that will never hear from, or be used of God, because your every thought is tainted?
James 3:3-12: James had the Christian Church pegged over 2000 years ago. So many of us claim to have such love and concern for others, and yet our tongues show truth. Some in this room use criticism as your main method of communication with others, and you are secretly hurting and driving away every friend around you. You are adding to the sorrow and brokenness of already crushed souls. Some are destroying the self-esteem of your spouse, and breaking the spirit of your children, causing depression and bitterness, instead of growth and acceptance. Causing strife and division continually, instead of harmony and joy. Even when there is no criticism, many of us refuse to ever give a good or encouraging word—which can be just as hurtful and destructive—because you feel a good word, or compliment is not to be given unless earned, or rewarded. This is sad hogwash, that misses the entire point of encouragement: Hebrews 10:24-25. Do you see the purpose in this verse for encouraging? To stir up love and good works. Read to the very definition of encouragement. We must encourage before good is done, or when someone has done it wrong to give the strength and spirit to succeed or recover, to show their self-worth and giftedness in Christ when they don't realize or express it; to show they have to prove NOTHING, for us to love and accept them right where they are now, or they may never feel the acceptance and strength to do better. You all have people in your life that look to you for their encouragement and strength. Do you come through for them in love? Or, do you leave them worried, deflated, unsure, even add to the uncertainty with your critical attitude? Physical abuse is often less destructive, brings less death to a person's soul than criticism and apathy from a loved one.
We as Christians, are directly called of God to be different, so, I don't ever want to hear from one more person that it is just their personality, or especially, their gift from God, that makes them that way. I have the Gift of Exhortation, but does that mean that I am not still responsible to confront sin, and lovingly correct a brother in trouble? No. In the same way, a person with the Gift of Prophecy, or Leadership is not free to attack, criticize, and belittle all under the flag of their gift and responsibility. If God is truly free to work in your heart, then all Christians, regardless of personality and gifts, will have a real desire, and responsibility, to not only correct, but to encourage others towards doing better in love. Galatians 6:1-3; Hebrews 3:13; Romans 15:7; Ephesians 4:29-32. This Scripture says corrupt words and evil speaking are major reasons for grieving the very Spirit of God Who lives inside of us. Our attitude and our words towards others. So many people are broken and disheartened in their lives, that often times even a complete stranger or casual acquaintance will be deeply touched by a few simple words of encouragement because they rarely hear them from those in their lives. And commonly, that person in need of a good word, is the very person with such a terrible attitude themselves (hiding doubt, pain, bitterness) that many would not take the time to encourage them.
If you are realizing maybe you are one of these people who tear down much more than you build up or encourage others—in big and offensive ways, or in simple, almost charismatic ways—chalking it up to humor or picking—stop for a moment and ask yourself "Why" you may be that way.

1. One harsh, but true reason: you simply care more about yourself than others. You couldn’t care less what others feel about themselves, what struggles they are having, or what their excuse for bad behavior might be. You don't want to take the time, nor do you care about anything they may be doing right or wrong—it doesn't involve you. This is so common among Christians today, but God emphatically says this is not the way of His disciples: 1 Corinthians 10:24; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Philippians 2:20-21. And if this is you, it may be apparent you are often left feeling unsatisfied and anxious because selfishness always ultimately leads to depression.
2. Another really big reason: In your heart, whether consciously or subconsciously, you are too jealous or insecure in yourself to speak encouragement to others, because frankly, you don't want them, or anyone else, to see their potential. You don't want them to do better, or look better than you, so, you secretly find comfort in their stumbling or falling, and don't want to encourage anything better. James 3:11-16. Whether your actions stem from envious pride, or your own painful insecurities, you have God's Word, and His Spirit within you, so you know better, and you have the Power living in you to do better, but you have to make the choice.
3. Unforgiving or angry attitude: You don't like them, you are very displeased with them, and their failure, or lack of confidence would suit you just fine. You certainly don't owe it to them to help in any way. Romans 12:17-21. Ask God to let you see them as He does: precious. Know that the only true time you are showing your love and faith in God is when things are hard—loving someone who is good to you is normal—loving those who hurt you, is true love—sacrificial love. That is the love which will glorify God.
4. You have a bitterness and hardness in general, because you have never been encouraged or supported by others. Nobody ever helped you out, so you just pass it on. You were always discouraged, put down, or abused yourself, and you had to find your own way, gather your own strength, live without a good word or confidence given by others—why shouldn't they have to do the same thing? Well, let's think about that for a moment: 1) everybody is built with different strengths and weaknesses, and though you may have had the ability to go on, they may not. 2) you are just choosing to pass on the abuse you received, rather than be a difference maker, a cycle-breaker. 3) the people doing you that way either didn't understand and experience what Christ's love really was, or they didn't care. You do understand—do you care? 4) God tells us it is our calling to do so. Romans 15:1-6. we are supposed to be Christ to the world. Tell me this: after coming to know Christ, how many here have literally, purposefully still done things to hurt Him? To sin against Him? How many have failed Him again and again? But, even when He corrects us, does He leave us discouraged, broken, and feeling useless? Or does His Word, and His Spirit, constantly lift you up in worth? Encourage you to do better? Tell you that you are worth more, were created for more, have the strength to do more? Because that is His natural desire out of love for you!

I hope you can realize at this point, if you have a problem with being too sharp, critical, sarcastic, or mean with your words, your mouth is not the real problem—it is simply a tool, and a symptom—for the true problem of the heart. Matthew 12:33-37. Your words are a true reflection of you. Based on that, where are you? If you begin to focus on genuinely encouraging and building up others, as your heart’s desire, you will lose the exasperating burden of having to see and prove yourself best in every circumstance and mind. Then you will be free, of self-inflicted pressure, and free to love God’s people.
We are supposed to be all about showing God’s love—about healing and accepting—we are called to be different. Criticism, sarcasm, condescension, belittling have no place in the Christian life.