What is a man? Is it the John Wayne stereotype? Rambo? John Wick? Even Chuck Norris? Is it being your own boss, being waited on and catered to by everyone? How many women he has? Clearly the world and God’s view do not come close to matching, so on this Mother’s Day let us learn how God views and intends for a man to be A MAN.
It’s Mother’s Day and no better gift we could give to our mothers is to take a hard look at God’s description of how we as men, are suppose to love and treat you. This is more important now than ever in our Nation’s history because not only has society removed any hint of what it means to be a man or woman in God’s plan, but has removed our roles, responsibilities and incredibly irreplaceable positions that plays in the life of each.
Upfront I make no apologies for the politically incorrect stance that we must take in order to trust and follow God’s Word in this subject. In this study, we will see the loss of His wisdom that is destroying our culture and countless lives. The application of His Wisdom is exactly what we need to heal the damage done, and the application of His Wisdom is exactly what we crave in our hearts whether we realize it or not.
Men, we complain about the feminist movement, but if we were fulfilling our roles as men, husbands, and fathers as God intended, there might not be a big push for a feminist movement, because women would feel equal, loved, appreciated and supported. Christianity, when lived by God’s Word has always exalted women to a higher position in society everywhere it has spread.
We, as men, have failed in our roles miserably, this failure has caused more pain, damage, and death to our society than any single factor.
It is imperative that we rediscover what a man looks like in God’s eyes, but also how men are to love and treat their precious wives and mothers of their children.
The women in our lives are one of the most treasured invaluable gifts that God has ever given as a blessing, and in turn we are to be the same invaluable blessing to them. God has given to men a direct and powerful calling to love our wives in very specific ways, so let us, as men, consider those ways.
God says much about a husband’s role, but before we look at this role we first have to overcome the massive obstacle of what God says about staying in that role!
Although the number of divorces has dropped slightly, the number of marriages also has slightly dropped, as many simply choose to live together until it is no longer convenient. So, those numbers are counted and if they were the number of those who leave each other would skyrocket. 2018 research has shown nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. 41% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Factoring in those who live together the numbers get much worse, but it’s not just a partner being abandoned but a mother with a family. Like it or not, God created man to have a massive impact on the well being and growth of their families. Look at the devastation caused by men who are simply not present today…..THE NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE a non-sectarian, non-partisan, non-profit organization organized to help communities and even state governments in training, resources and programs to combat this literal crisis states…….
“THE PROOF IS IN, FATHER ABSENCES HARMS CHILDREN…THERE IS A FATHER ABSENCE CRISIS IN AMERICA. ACCORDING TO THE U.S. CENSUS BUREAU 19.7 MILLION CHILDREN, MORE THAN 1 IN 4, LIVE WITHOUT A FATHER FACTOR IN NEARLY ALL SOCIAL ILLS FACING AMERICA TODAY”
Here is how the absence of men has affected an entire generation: 90% of divorced mothers have custody of the children, almost 50% of parents with children go into poverty after divorce, children raised with no fathers present are 279% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs, more likely to experience emotional/behavior problems, more likely go to prison, score lower academically, commit more crimes, 2 times likely to become obese, 2 times likely to drop out of school, 7 times likely to become pregnant as a teen, more likely to face abuse and neglect, 2 times more likely to die as an infant, and even pregnancy loss increases by 24% with no father present for support, finance or care.
God’s word says you are joined as one for life, unless your spouse is unfaithful, and even then God’s will is that it be worked out if possible, just as He stays with us when we are unfaithful to Him, just as Hosea stayed with his wife showing God’s love.
Should you be separated or divorced and neither have remarried your mission is reconciliation! Should that not be possible, your duty as a man, your honor and privilege is that she and your children are provided and cared for, a court should not have to force you to care for them.
Our culture has it so backwards in its view of love, we exalt the feelings of love but not the actions of love which leads to self-love, “you don’t please ME, ‘I’ don’t have feelings for you”, rather than “ What can I do to serve you, make you feel loved and cherished?” Nowhere in scriptures does it tell us “to fall in love”, scriptures say “to walk in love.”
What we seem not to understand today is the feelings of love are caused by the choice to walk in love! When you marry, you don’t marry to be pleased, served, and entertained for a lifetime; you commit yourself in a choice to love another person. As a man, facts have shown us that commitment is unparalleled in importance to her.
1 TIMOTHY 5:8
You make a vow, as a man before God, to care and provide for her through her lifetime, to protect her to your last breath, to always guarantee she will never face life alone, to promise you will always be that one person in this world that is completely devoted to her and her only, to guide and discipline her children, desire her above all other women, assure her you will always be her best friend, to know her well being and concerns are the most important thing.
There is not on ounce of true love in leaving when things get hard, when emotions fail, or when you are done wrong. Be the man of fortitude and integrity God created you to be! Realize that your first and most important calling when married, aside from serving Christ, is to totally sacrifice your life for the good of your wife and family, as Jesus Christ has done for His Church!!!
That means to lead her as Christ leads the church. You do not rule by demanding your way—you lead by serving, and showing the way rather than demanding to be served. We, as men, should make every decision based upon selfless care for your spouse and family, you lead by knowing them, caring for them, and cherishing them. More than your own desires, you lead by giving your time, money, strength, your safety—not out of frustration but in joy, as Christ did for us. It is your calling to Honor, not just an obligation as a man. You vowed to never leave, abandon, forsake, or quit when you promise to love your bride, as a man in God’s eyes! No matter the cost to self, that is a true man; that is being a true beloved to your wife; that is what true love is meant to be; that is what a wife craves from her husband.
That means you will give her a chance to fail you, and know she is secure, give her a chance to be unlovable and know she is always loved, give her the security that she can be who she is in all her imperfections and failures, and know she is treasured more than anyone by you, giving her assurance that she will absolutely will not go through life alone that you will be by her side as long as you live. That is choosing to love as the man God created you to be.
SONG OF SOLOMON 4:9-11
Honor her and cherish her in reality! Cherish means “to hold dear, feel and show affection, keep, cultivate with care, to entertain and harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely.” Gary Smalley said it well when he said cherish and honor can ben summed up in one syllable “AWWWW”.
Cherishing begins by having a place for her only in your mind, in your passions and desires. You notice and treasure her looks, her complexion, her figure, her perfume, her personality. Fill your imagination with her alone. She is completely yours, honoring and cherishing that fact makes her more exciting more desirable to you than any woman in the world.
Pornography gives your affection and desires to another; it trains your mind to want something other than your wife. In some divorce lawyer studies pornography addiction is cited in 56% of divorce.
In todays mixed workforce, guard your emotions and relationships with the opposite sex. Your deepest feelings, hopes, dreams, and passions are to be shared with your wife. Relational and emotional adultery can often be robbing and hurtful to love and honor as actual physical adultery.
In the U.K., a study showed Facebook contributed to 1 out of 3 divorces. Honor and cherish her by how you look at, speak to and treat her in public. Let her see your pride in her publicly. Honor her by defending her when she is criticized or attacked, honor her by protecting her physically at all costs, care about her desires and needs first. When you make decisions for the family, make her feel secure and appreciated using your leadership in support of her decisions and standing as one in discipline of children, or even against your own parents, be one with her in sharing your heart and allowing her to share hers. Honor her by truly learning her.
1 PETER 3:7
1 PETER 4:8
Know her better than anyone so you can serve her better and pray for her like no other, because it is your responsibility and privilege to pray for her above anyone else in the world. Love and cherish her by being honest with her, keep no secrets from her and keep many secrets with her. Love her as God intended by speaking to her, and acting towards her only in a manner that shows love and honor. Do not speak harshly or hurtfully. We men have a way of speaking harshly, bluntly, sarcastically, and hurtful and this can be more hurtful than physical force, and it completely takes away any feelings of being loved. Never ever use hostility or threat in your voice, expression, words, or actions to have your way or as retaliation.
This is not only the opposite of love, it is the greatest sign of a total coward and not of a man when you feel compelled to intimidate someone not physically capable of defending themselves against you rather than use your strength to secure and protect, no matter what it costs you.
Honor her by leading her in service to God. It is your job to assure your wife and children grow in Christ; to protect them in righteousness by resisting the ways of the world, make the hard calls on what is and is not acceptable, make sure they know how to humbly serve and give to God, making sure they are in church. It is your job to be the example of how to love and serve Christ.
A study by the Swiss government published in 2000 revealed some amazing facts about the generational influence of faith on children in a family and it revealed there was a 44% increase in children embracing the beliefs of their father when he lived out his faith in devotion even when the mother was not practicing over a mother who lived out her faith when the father was not practicing.
The greatest gift we can give to our overworked, unappreciated, often neglected wives and the mother of our children on this Mothers Day—and every day—is to shake off the views and opinions of this world and stand up as a man of God to become The providing, protecting, supporting, cherishing, loving, leading, serving, cheerleading, secret keeping, best friend and husband we were called, created, and equipped to become!
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