The Seed Blog: Let's Talk About Sex

Why would we talk about sex in church? Our sexuality—our natural desires and attractions—are a major part of who we are as humans. Sexual interest is being used as a major driving force in every aspect of our culture and daily lives today. But we seem to forget the fact in our “Christian Taboo” mentalities that God Himself masterfully, purposefully created every detail and facet of sexual intimacy. He created the equipment, the desire, the excitement, the unbelievable intimacy and bonding. It was one of His most amazing and powerful gifts ever given to mankind. Even the very act of union is designed to show Him becoming One with us. She gives herself to him, allowing him to be in her as one. He leaves a part of himself which creates new life together. If a chance for new life is missed, the loss is purified with blood.

We have taken that priceless gift and corrupted it, abused it, twisted it, worshiped it, used it until we have removed it from its wonderfully designed function, until we have taken away everything that makes it awesome and turned it into a cheap way to use and be used; another way to be self-seeking, controlling, and rebellious until the greatest gift becomes the greatest curse. Because the more powerful and coveted an object becomes, the more devastating and hurtful it can become when misused, and our sexuality has become one of the single-most misused and destructive forces in our society today; robbing us of so many of the blessings God has for us and ruining minds, bodies, hearts and families. Satan loves to work in the darkness, in unopposed secrecy. God Works in the light, in truth: John 3:20-21. That is why this is the place which is most proper to discuss His gift, because He designed it. His Word speaks openly, directly and frequently about it and it’s misuse, even worship brings much pain and confusion. Unfortunately, there is another enormous need for us to discuss sexual intimacy sex in the Church. In a Pew Research Center study of 2020, 57% almost 6 out of 10 professing Christians say that sex is acceptable between unmarried adults in a relationship; and 50% say even casual sex between non-committed adults (not even in a relationship) is acceptable sometimes or always. Statistically speaking, what does this mean for those of us in this church?
We need to realize, we are not trusting God, but man. We need to remember if God designed sex, and He has powerful wisdom behind His plan, and we need to return to our God in everything that touches our lives. If you say, “Well, it’s too late for me,” think about this: If you missed your exit on an interstate to get home, would you keep going, and say, “Oh, well,” or turn? If you accidentally took a sip of something poisonous, would you say, “Too late now,” and chug it? It’s never too late to be covered by His Blood and start new trusting and healing yourself in His plan.
Some Christians will say, “Who are you to tell me how to live my life? It is my right, to live how I want; it’s none of your business.” To which I will respond in this way: 1) You are correct, no one can force you to do anything. God won’t even force you. You can also choose to drive sloppy drunk, at 100mph, does that mean you would be wise in doing so? You are free to quit your job and live homeless—many do. Are you dumb for not joining in? God’s ways are not just legalistic rules, they are for an incredible purpose and plan for happiness. 2) If you proclaim Christ, you have given Him every right: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; 1 Corinthians 6:13, 19-20.
Let’s start by seeing exactly what God says about how and where His wonderful gift is to be enjoyed: Genesis 2:24-25. From the earliest passages written, sexual intimacy was designed to be within the beautiful covenant of marriage, and between a man and a woman, which is a stunning and powerful illustration of Jesus, His Bride (the Church). Scriptures are not vague, or scarce in this plan: in marriage only: Hebrews 13:4: between a man and a woman only: Leviticus 18:22-23; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:26-28. Sexual intimacy was not just designed just for procreation, but as a way to intimately bond like no other; as a way to meet each other’s needs in the most powerful and unique way; as the most complete way of giving yourself to another possible: 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Sex is designed as a way to enjoy and celebrate another, so privately, intimately, and powerfully, that there is no equal in relationships. Do the following verses sound stoic, legalistic and simply “procreation”? Song of Songs 2:16-17; Song of Songs 4:9-12. These are among the tamer verses which I could actually read in a mixed audience. God created sexuality to be enjoyed fully and beautifully. 3) This incredible gift is not only to be protected and treasured physically, but with our hearts and minds—the most important parts—given solely towards building and protecting that intimacy with one other body, soul and mind: Matthew 5:27-28.
Let’s be practical and look at very real reasoning behind Christians who still justify premarital sexual relationships. Improper thought: God is not against premarital sex between people who are in love and plan to get married anyway. Because in His eyes, they are joined in marriage at the moment of sexual union, and the earthly marriage just shows the world what happened. Here is the Biblical and secular reality of that thought process. 1) It is not Biblical. We are to obey the Laws of our society (Romans 13:1-7). Sexual union makes us intimately one in His eyes which is exactly why He says it is not proper until we have made a life covenant with them: 1 Corinthians 6:15-16; 1 Corinthians 7:9. Did it say if they cannot exercise control, they should go ahead and sleep together because they will get married? They should go ahead and do every other sexual act other than intercourse, until they are married? No, and no. God’s Word clearly does not say ‘sleeping with someone whom you plan to marry is ok.’ And He has awesome reasons for saying this. 2) Multiple, secular, long-term research clearly shows info from the National Library of Medicine (1) (2): Sex before getting married (trying out before buying/90%) (already have wrong idea of what makes sex great) and living together before getting married (70%) both produce: higher divorce rates after marriage, lower marital satisfaction, lower dedication, lower confidence, more negative communication—known as the “Cohabitation Effect.” [The researchers say they don’t understand why, yet!] Maybe because they went into the relationship without restraint or control and they sense they still have these tendencies. Practically, secularly, and biblically speaking, it is a lie that premarital sex and cohabitation do anything but bring more mistrust, dissatisfaction, and destruction. So, whether you marry them or leave then after sex, you have probably damaged their future happiness. Is that true, selfless love for them? If you truly love someone, you want the best for them, above self. That means you would safeguard them from these stats; that means you would protect them from the possibility that you may not get married; that means you treasure them enough to honor them and enjoy the anticipation of waiting for your beloved; that means you know great sex will be decided by your deep love for them when finally together, and not their performance or sexual ability. Every sexual partner you have before marriage, every moment you spend indulging in pornography increases your chance of lower marital fulfillment and increases your chance for dissatisfaction sexually in marriage. Why? Because that mental, emotional, physical and spiritual affection is given to another. Pornography takes away even the need or desire for a real partner, replacing the emotional and physical ability to even relate and bond. Any premarital sex or pornography will steal a part of you with it that cannot be taken back. Your affections, your desires, your thoughts, your body become damaged and confused: 1 Corinthians 6:18. You physically leave a part of you with that person for years to come.
Doctor Everett Koop, former U.S. Surgeon General, made the following statement about this fact: “When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with for the last ten years, and everyone they and their partners have had sex with for the last ten years.”  The Department of Health & Human Resources breaks this eye-opening fact down in an informational chart for emphasis: If you have had 7 sex partners, each same number as you equals 127 contacts. If you have had 12 sex partners, each same number as you equals 4095. When God says that we are becoming "one flesh" in unity, this is proven physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You mentally condition your mind to be attached and excited by something other than what is yours until your thoughts are programmed to want something different, something more, for satisfaction. This is why many say “They just don't get excited by their partner anymore.” Because you have programmed yourself to need something else. Emotionally, each time you join with another person in such intimacy—even have romantic or sexual thoughts about them—your body produces a hormone called oxytocin (the happy hormone). This hormone enhances your emotional connection to the object of your focus at release, producing increased trust, empathy, bonding, desire, memories, and a connection of belonging. You are literally, through chemical reactions, helping to create an emotionally joining of yourself with that person. You have given a part of yourself to them in a very real way. That is emotional intimacy which belongs to one person. And this emotional intimacy eventually gets so tainted, so cheaply spread thin, that it becomes weak and broken until there is nothing left to give. When attention, affection and intimate thoughts are all centered on one partner as God intended, the repeated mental programming of pleasure with one person—these repeated surges of emotionally charged oxytocin, the repeated sharing of physical intimacy with one sacred partner, the repeated proving of your desire, trust and devotion to one soul—will exponentially build your desire and excitement for that person alone, bond you physically, mentally and emotionally in a very real and awesome way. The secret, exclusive world you build together through this relationship as God designed will be the most desired, passionate and untouchable place you can go, that is something that free-sex in a cheap world can never equal. When something as powerful, personal, and special as sexual intimacy is cherished, protected, kept exclusively for one person who means that much to you; when true, tender love is shared only with your one, every time; when trust is built, memories are accumulated and happy hormones are all shared with one chosen lover—a thrill, a closeness, an experience like no other is enjoyed just as God intended before the world cheapened and robbed us. Even secular research shows through time and destruction that God’s Word, God’s Plan is beautiful and flawless.
Will you trust Him? Will you live for Him and His Ways? Or become another statistic? Proverbs 5:15-19.