The Seed Blog: Help, I'm Complaining and I Can't Stop!

In my personal time with God He has revealed to me something that I needed to work on that is much bigger than I realized. And I decided to be transparent about it because it is obvious that we all struggle with this to some degree. Sometimes our biggest sins as Christians come in very innocent looking packages that don’t seem overtly sinful. But are strongly condemned in His Word when we stop to examine Scriptures honestly, because as natural or innocent as some things may seem, God knows they are very hurtful to our spirit and intimacy with Him. Let’s read a Passage from Paul to the Church of Corinth which was concerning the Israelites when Moses led them out of their slavery in Egypt.

Paul reflects on this time with a message to Christians about things the Israelites did after their deliverance, which he warns they should be careful not to repeat because these things caused God such displeasure in them that they were all either punished immediately or ultimately, kept from the Promised Land: 1 Corinthians 10:1-12 (grumble). Numbers 11:1-3. Why would God put something as simple as complaining in a list with Idolatry, adultery, and rebellion? Today we will reveal this clearly!. Please do not think this message is saying we should just “suck it up, buttercup” and never have a complaint again. We all have legitimate things that make us feel dissatisfied; that give us reason to complain in this world. Almost every business and advertisement in existence actually tries to create dissatisfaction and complaining in our minds so we will turn to them for our relief. Almost all politicians will try to show reasons for complaining so they may become our answer as well. But because of these purposeful influences from many directions, and our tendency to focus on ourselves, it has become all-to-common for us to make complaining a constant reaction of thought and response even in the not-so-bad areas of life, even in the normal events of life, until it becomes a natural and regular response—it becomes a way of life.
Psychologists agree that complaining stems from a need to control things which we cannot control. So, complaining gives us a false sense of doing something about it. Or, fear to act when we actually can do something so we choose to complain as our response to guilty feelings. Or especially a need to validate ourselves and our tough situation so that we may get attention above others. “They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation.”
This has become a serious issue for many because much study of compulsive complaining has revealed that it can rewire the brain—so that this path of thinking becomes ingrained in our constant thought process. It becomes a part of how we constantly view life. This causes us to lose perspective of all of the good around us; causes us to miss so much happiness we could enjoy; causes us to miss many opportunities that may be present. All because we are too focused on the negatives to see and enjoy (Proverbs 15:15). Secondly, even though it may feel satisfying in the moment, to complain, God’s Word (and secular psychologists) emphatically say after complaining, the speaker and the listener usually feel worse—proving it is a fruitless and hurtful endeavor (Proverbs 16:24; Proverbs 18:14). Those who use complaining as a means to draw people to themselves actually end up making themselves and others more miserable—and in the process drive others away instead. Compulsive complaining is absolutely contagious. It sets the mood and expectation for all around you. It greatly reduces determination, hope, drive and actions, and it discourages others to feel and act the same. Have you ever been assigned to, or worked with, compulsive complainers? Usually the whole group echoes the same attitude. We as Christians are called to be Light, Salt, Hope, Faith (Proverbs 12:25; Isaiah 50:4; Ephesians 4:29
(sapros). Instead of doing this, we often become the ones to blow out the candle first!; to bring spoilage rather than preserving; to show the least faith and hope in our complaints; to show there is no joy in following Jesus Christ. Which brings us to our biggest issue with compulsive complaining and shows us just why God is so against it. Do you believe that God is completely Sovereign? That He is in control of our live and the world? Hopefully your answer would be, “Yes!” If so, you can understand this Passage of Scripture about the complaints of the Israelites: Exodus 16:8. Complaining about our circumstances all of the time flippantly and pitifully says to God: “I don’t accept what you are doing in my life and I want it done another way.” “I refuse to do what you want because I don’t like it!” (Psalms 106:24-25). It shows that we are not surrendered to God’s Will; that we are not trusting His Heart and Character; that we don’t really think He has a plan and purpose behind all He allows; that we feel He is out of control in our lives. It shows that we are not willing to walk through hard times in faith and courage for Him.
If you find yourself complaining often in life and you want to do something about it: 1) Realize that it is a sin against God (a big sin), and stop thinking it is trivial, natural or overlooked by Him. But, realize that it instead grieves His Heart as much as adultery and idolatry. Listen to these Passages of Scripture: Zechariah 13:9; Job 23:10. When gold and silver are refined or purified. They are placed under extreme heat (by fire in Biblical day), and the impurities become visible, floating to the top. And when they reach their purest state, they become very soft and moldable. When you and I are given to quick and constant complaining, God has turned up the heat enough to make all of the hidden impurities float to visibility for us. He has revealed the dross (worthless part) that even we did not see. That we really don’t trust how He is working in our lives or in the world; that we really aren’t willing to walk where He leads; we really aren’t moldable in the hands of Our Father. We should do this when we see the feel the urge to complain coming to surface. 2) Realize we have begun to trust our own way more than we trust God’s ways of working in our lives, and we are showing by our attitude that we want to depart from God’s Leading for our own (John 6:66-67). [A few years ago, I was forced to mid-shift due to injury at work and couldn’t counsel or teach Wednesday nights. I wanted to be anywhere but there, and questioned God nightly. [Randy helped me see the light)]]. 3) Know that you are hurting God and hurting His Name before others when you complain. [I did not show genuine love for others in my bitterness for a time, or faith that God was in control of my life. I was complaining to every manager and person I saw. (Matthew 5:14-16).] 4) Decide this: once and for all I truly know that God is in control and that He is working in all things. Therefore, I will surrender to His will and trust His heart over my own wisdom and wants. Let it be a time of real given worship, trust and intimacy rather than a fight and a rejection (Isaiah 55:8-9). [I truly determined that God had a plan on mid-shift, and I surrendered to finding His will and making the most of the situation. My attitude changed, and my love for others returned. My joy in everyday experiences came back; my desire to witness and help others returned (Colossians 4:5-6). I ended up being so blessed that I didn’t want to leave. God worked through me to help heal a life and lead back to Christ. I made a life-long bond that has grown to many over years. And then I was moved from there to QC, first shift (unheard of at work). I received a real and awesome peace after accepting God’s way of working (Colossians 3:14-15). 5) Be willing to endure whatever comes even if it does not change (Philippians 4:11-13; Job 13:15; Daniel 3:16-18; Philippians 1:29). Know this: if you have to endure for His sake, sometimes it’s as much a part of God’s Plan to go through the fire to the end as supernatural deliverance would be, because He gets even more Glory sometimes in the rock-solid faith shown by His beloved. 6) Talk it over with Him. Having reasons to complain will come, so rather than complain about Him, complain to Him. Openly, sincerely, intimately tell Him how you feel. Surrender to Him, telling Him it is even in your lack of understanding. Let Him be your comforter because He truly knows the pain you are carrying and He cares deeply (Psalms 142:1-3). He will give you strength and refreshing, and maybe even reveal some of His Reasons: 1 Peter 5:10. 7) Stop and realize all that you do have to be thankful for, to continue fighting for, to live for. Nick Vujicic, a faithful follower of Christ with no arms or legs said this: “I have the choice to be angry at God for what I don't have, or be thankful for what I do have.”) Philippians 4:6-8.) 8) In light of all we have just learned and considered, hold your tongue from sinning against God: Philippians 2:14-18. Will you join with me in recognizing, admitting and repenting of sinning against our God in our complaints? And working to show our faith and surrender to Him from this point forward?